Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
