Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
