Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
