is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
