I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
