I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
