Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
