I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
