i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize