she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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