I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
