yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
