just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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