If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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