My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's shark week go big or go home
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
