I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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