I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
