i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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