Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
