You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
