I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
sex in a hospital.. check
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
