oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
