and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
