ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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