I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
