If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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