i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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