Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize