Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
