I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
