you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
