Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize