Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
