he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
