PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
