My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
