tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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