i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dear god my vagina.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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