WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So vagazzling was a success
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
