I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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