I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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