don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
