I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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