either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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