I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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