i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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