Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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