You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
