let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
