Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
