Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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