I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
