She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Operation Purity has been aborted
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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