Jerry, you need to find god
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
