Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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