You just made me feel so damn special
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
