I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
