shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
