hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
