too bad you live with your parents still
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
