An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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