just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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