id be glad to
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
