hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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