you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
