This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
