Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize