the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
