The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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